We Are Not Broken

Defining the Shadow: Domestic Violence’s Impact

Domestic violence is a pervasive pattern of coercive and controlling behaviors used by one partner to gain power and control over another in an intimate relationship. It encompasses physical, emotional, psychological, sexual, and economic abuse, leaving lasting scars on individuals and families, especially children who witness the violence. The impact extends beyond immediate physical harm, eroding a victim’s self-worth, isolating them from support networks, and creating a climate of constant fear. For parents experiencing domestic violence, the desire to protect their children is paramount, yet this very desire can become entangled with the often-feared intervention of the Department of Human Services (DHS) or Child Protective Services (CPS).

The Crushing Fear: DHS as a Barrier to Escape

For many survivors of domestic violence, the prospect of involving DHS can be more terrifying than remaining in the abusive situation. This fear is often rooted in the perception – and sometimes the reality – that seeking help will lead to the removal of their children. Survivors may worry about being blamed for the abuse, deemed an unfit parent for failing to “protect” their children, or facing a system that they perceive as punitive rather than supportive. As Leigh Goodmark, a leading scholar on domestic violence and the law, powerfully states:

The child welfare system, intended to protect children, can inadvertently punish victims of domestic violence by focusing on the survivor’s perceived failure to protect rather than the abuser’s violence.

Leigh Goodmark

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This focus on the survivor’s actions, rather than the perpetrator’s, creates a chilling disincentive for victims to reach out for help. The fear of losing their children can trap them in dangerous environments, believing that staying offers a better chance of keeping their family intact, however unsafe that may be.

The Double Jeopardy: Penalizing the Victimized Parent

Tragically, there are instances where victims of domestic violence who do seek help or whose situation comes to the attention of authorities do face negative consequences from DHS. Instead of receiving the support and resources needed to establish safety and stability, they may be subjected to intense scrutiny, mandated services that feel punitive, or even face the threat or reality of losing custody of their children. This can occur due to a lack of understanding of the dynamics of domestic violence, a failure to adequately assess the risk posed by the abuser, or systemic biases within the child welfare system. The focus shifts from the abuser’s behavior to the survivor’s perceived shortcomings, further victimizing them and undermining their efforts to create a safe environment.

A System Failing Survivors: The Resource Deficit

A significant barrier is the lack of readily available and accessible resources specifically tailored to support victimized parents in navigating the child welfare system. Survivors often need legal assistance, trauma-informed counseling, safe and affordable housing, and support in co-parenting safely with an abuser (if necessary). DHS, while mandated to protect children, often lacks the funding and infrastructure to provide comprehensive support to the non-offending parent. Instead of offering concrete resources that empower survivors to create safe homes, the system can inadvertently become another source of stress and fear.

A Call for Change: From Punishment to Partnership

The approach of DHS towards families experiencing domestic violence desperately needs a fundamental shift. The focus must move away from penalizing the victim for the abuser’s actions and towards holding perpetrators accountable while providing robust support and resources to the non-offending parent. This includes:

•   Trauma-informed training for all DHS staff on the dynamics of domestic violence.

•   Increased funding for survivor-centered services, including legal aid, counseling, and housing assistance.

•   Policies that prioritize the safety and stability of the child with the non-offending parent, while holding the abuser accountable.

•   A collaborative approach that partners with domestic violence organizations and understands the unique needs of these families.

As Diane Rosenfeld, a lecturer on law and founding director of the Harvard Law School Gender Violence Program, emphasizes:

“We must recognize that a parent who is being abused is often the best protector their child has, and our systems should be designed to empower their safety and resilience, not undermine it.

Diane Rosenfeld, Harvard Law School

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By shifting the focus from punishment to support, we can transform DHS from a source of fear into a lifeline for families escaping the clutches of domestic violence, ultimately creating safer and more stable futures for both parents and children.

References:

  Goodmark, L. (2018). Decriminalizing Domestic Violence: A Radical Vision for Change. University of California Press.

  Rosenfeld, D. (2017). Domestic Violence and Child Welfare: Toward a System of Collaborative Engagement. Future of Children, 27(1), 115-138.

  National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV). (n.d.). What https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/domestic-abuse-warning-signs/is Domestic Violence?